fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your cock deserves a montage
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
