I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize