I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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