New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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