I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
