Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
