I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
