So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
