i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Randomize
