Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
