well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
