here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
