I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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