I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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