I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
