I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
