lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Please, let me fuck your mom
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
