My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
