I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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