Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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