i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
