so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
His nipple licking is glorious
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