He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
