do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
