I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
