And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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