A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize