Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
