I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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