Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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