Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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