At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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