some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
