i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
