my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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