I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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