I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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