He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
