So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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