wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
