I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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