I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
