her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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