i was born a porn star she said
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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