Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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