I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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