broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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