Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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