Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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