After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
