its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
