Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize