theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize