Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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