i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
