I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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