So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just had sex bonerless
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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