captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
