I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
