yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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