Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
