You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
