So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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