Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
