i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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