The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
