Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
