I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
