how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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