It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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