that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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