Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
only if we run a train.
done.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
