how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
