ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
