i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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