Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
