i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
