wrigley field is MILF paradise
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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